July 2020

These are all my entires for July 2020.

July 29 2020

Ever since the last..."friend" left, I can't tell you how lonely I have been.
I get so sad everytime he messages me. Like today for example.
I've had the best day in almost 5 months and then he comes along trying to get me to dox myself.
He doesn't know that his girlfriend is manipulating him into doing that. I'm getting so tired of this.
If I don't kill myself by the end of the year I'm going to be shocked.

July 22 2020

Hi. I've restored my site to what it was before, and I'm going to leave it this way.

July 09 2020

I deleted today's post. Why? You may ask... I've lost all trust I've had in everything and anyone.
I made this website so I could post how I felt without the risk of being found out. It's not safe for me to post here anymore.
Will I be back? Maybe. Maybe once I've regained any sliver of trust I had before.
For now, though, I'm done. You win. I'm pissed off and this little stint didn't help anything.
I have to go back to bottling up every fucking thing I've felt because now I have nowhere to post shit.
I'm offended, mad and just disappointed. I've got nowhere to go and now I have nobody to talk to.
I fucking tried my damned hardest. Nothing is ever fucking good enough.
Stop being manipulated into offending me. I'm not a moron.
I'm done being critiqued and examined like a fucking test subject. I thought I was safe here.
No. You're not safe anywhere. Don't trust anyone. They'll backstab you over and over.

July 08 2020

I went to the thrift store and bought another cassette. Now I have two. I also finally got the motivation to hang up that 2001: A Space Odyssey poster.
It looks really cool and adds a lot of "me" into my room. I still want to get an Xbox 360, but other than that I guess I have what I want.
No. I want more than that. I want an iPod, a Gameboy, a Bike and that's about it actually.

July 07 2020

I'm such a horrible friend. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I be happy like everyone else?
I feel so alone and helpless all the fucking time. I just want to be 'normal'.
Instead, I'm stuck here using the cap off a coca cola bottle to carve circles into my arms.
I'm seriously just about to give up and fucking hang myself.

July 06 2020

I have started getting tired of pretending everything is alright. It's not.
I downloaded NBK yesterday and watched the trailer. This flick looks awesome.
Speaking of awesome. I got reported to the school counselors a few days ago. I lied my way out of it and just said I was taken out of context.
They believed me. I've got you now, you admins! You nasty lying no-good backstabbing worthless pieces of shit! Good luck trying to stop me now!

July 05 2020

I'm so weak.

July 04 2020

Today the americans celebrate how shitty their country is. I feel so sick today. Help.
Why? You may ask... It's because I'm scared of fireworks, and fireworks sound like gunshots. You get where I'm going here?

July 03 2020

I did something I shouldn't've done.

July 02 2020

I had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday. I'm such a mistake.
Man. It feels so great to be betrayed by someone you thought you could trust.
I don't do well with trust. Ever since my best friend ruined everything I had I couldn't trust people.
After what happened today I realized that I'd become way too...lenient with trust.
I feel like I've been tied to a weight and dropped into a pool to drown.
That's what happened the first time as well, but in the 4 years since then, I freed myself and tried everything
I could to get back to the surface, just to be sunk right all over again and left for dead.
Guess that means I'm not going to be able to trust anyone fully for the next half-decade again.
Life is a fucking waste of time. You live, do all this shit to "succeed" then just die.
What's the fucking point of doing anything if nothing fucking matters?
I give up.

July 01 2020

Yesterday I figured out how to burn a CD to Cassette on my stereo system. Now I can play shit I like in the car.